So I said to myself, 'what is it that gets those guys so hot for my tiny little asshole?' I can reach down and stick my finger in it, and that's not unpleasant, but not near as much fun as buttering my muffin. So I decided to investigate. I am very through in my homework.

Asking men was useless; all they did was tent up and tell me it was good and I should do it with them. I needed info of a practical nature. I got a mirror and sat on it. Now I could see all my bits fairly well, though it's much easier to look at Jessica, my sister.

When I asked her to bend over and let me inspect her butt she got all huffy and went to the library. Well, the mirror shows me it's confusing down there.

To start, there's my mons, which is a nice bounce pad for when two pelvises are bumping together. Ever gotten too energetic during 'normal' sex and walked around for two days hurting and smiling?

My mons splits apart to form two big rolls of fat (not THAT big, damnit!) that in my case are covered with a fine down of red hair which I don't shave because I like it. And so does George.

Jess's is naked as a hairless dog, and has no character. Except when she wears clit jewelry, which is a whole 'nother subject. Anyway, my pussy looks like a nice forested hill, with a pleasant valley in the middle, an ideal place for a family picnic. Her's reminds me of Alaska or Russia, and who in their right mind would want to go camping in the snow? (Jess doesn't have snow, but she could, based on geological physiognomy.)

Now depending on whether you are looking in the mirror, as I am, or the real thing, as you might be doing as a male person, or an interested female person, which could happen without any aspersions on your orientation, I'm sure most boys would love to hold another boy's hard cock and look at it up close. Anyway...

From my view Asshole is closest to mirror, vagina above. My vagina, and presumably all others, at least all I've inspected, are designed from the get go to hold penises. You would think that men could be satisfied with putting the little peg in the little hole, but oh no – I'll get a thousand complaints just for referring to their precious manhoods as LITTLE pegs. Vaginas are the right size, they grease themselves, they're self cleaning; They even get red and puffy to tell you when, and that little clitoris just on top works really well. What more could you ask for?

Our Asses, apparently. Our asses, which are much tighter, harder to get in, and require extra lubrication. That's what men can ask for. Or, they want to stick their dicks in our sweet little mouths and risk all those teeth just to get a flexible tongue inside. I guess an anus with a tongue would drive men insane.

Anyway, I'm looking at my stronzo (ass hole in Italian) and I realized it's not round! That is a strange thing, but when I read up on it, none of them are. They are slits when closed. Well, think about it. My pouty little mouth is a slit when it's closed (Tho Jess says that only happens when I'm asleep) and it can certainly accommodate a cylindrical object. The little folds of skin sit inside a circular muscle that pulls it tightly closed; it's the one you try to release when you fart. I don't fart, because I'm a lady, though on occasions I have been known to have a tiny 'poot.' Do not discuss this subject with Jessica, because she tells some not true stories about a few tiny little poots that I have had that never bothered anyone.

The skin down there on the outside is just that, skin, though it is usually pigmented. (Did you know that some porno stars have their orifices bleached!?) (And perhaps that particular place is an ori-feces. Ha!)

I also got a small fiber optic scope and looked inside my rectum. (I told you I was through!) A few inches inside, the anus has a thin white line called the pectinate line that goes all the way around. That's where skin ends and intestines begin. Below the line, sensitive to touch and pain; rim jobs!! Above the line, sensitive to pressure; Stuff it in!

As I pushed further inward and onward (or vice versa?) I saw little folds of stretchy pink stuff comprising the anal canal. After a few more inches, the canal turns into the rectum, which is a baggy part about 8 inches deep (in me) which is a paler pink, with splotchy color. You may want to screw it, but you probably don't want to look at it.

Now, for you guys, the big pro of butt fucking is that nice thick circular muscle. It's what clamps down ever so tightly on your cock when you pump it in me. On the other hand, over in front, in the vagina (That place that was MADE for a penis, Hello!) there are some nice glands that secrete slimy stuff to make it slippery, for a fun, nice ride. Yes, there are muscles around the vagina, but they aren't nearly as strong, what with not having to hold shit all the time as the anus does.

I do Kegel exercises every day to make my pussy better. I pretend there is something, like maybe a fresh zucchini in there and try to squeeze it. That makes my vaginal muscles all buffed and able to squash a cock better; more fun when I cum!! But unless I was really OCD I'd never spend as much time doing those as I do holding my anus tight, because after all... duh! So back there, I'm very strong, but that's the bad part, too, because since it was NEVER designed to have things like tumescent tumors SHOVED into it, that muscle objects to opening from THAT side.

When I have orgasmed once or twice – the more the better, I always say – then my whole body, and especially my pelvic area, gets really relaxed. Then I can LET something get pushed the WRONG way up my butthole. Since there are lots of nerves down there, and they all connect together, pushing and pulling, rubbing on the skin of the outer anus feels good. Pressure feels nice inside my rectum, so when it's all done properly I can have an orgasm from a back-door entry.

I can't create much lubrication there, so using something to glide in helps a lot. I personally have experimented (I told you I was through!) with several motor oils, Vaseline, and saliva. Although water based lubes like KY are probably best, my personal favorite is lard.

Yes, it's in the pantry with the rest of the stuff you use to make a roux for Etouffee (I said I didn't look like a cook, not that I knew nothing!) anyway... lard is great for anal sex, but you better cover the bed and pillows and Hell the whole room, and plan on lots of shower time after. It doesn't wash off without soap, so somebody has to soap up a finger and... you can probably figure that part out.

Jess, my sister/ lover and George, our owner/ father/ lover live in a beautiful house as a happy family. Jess had to get a tetanus shot for school. Why she never had one before I don't know. But (bad pun) she had to see the doctor, so I went with her to ask him questions. I figured he would know, being a Dr. and all, and I do my homework. We talked about the previous weeks as we walked.

"Jessie, I'm never going to lie about anything again. That was the most awful week! No sex at all, and you two bumping like bunnies; I nearly went crazy!"

"Silk, it was worse for me. We both missed you so much! George knew he had to be stern, but making you sleep alone made him insatiable! I could barely walk all week my pussy was so sore. And my little butthole. And of course I had to blow him like a zillion times! We had more sex that week than any I can remember." Big smile for a person who was sad!

"He didn't cry? He wasn't inconsolable? He wanted extra sex?" My face was a storm cloud.

"Oh, sure. With just the two of us in that big ol' bed, all alone, we tried positions I never even thought of before. And OMG. The Oral! What wasn't raw from fucking hurt from whisker burn. I don't think I made it a single hour with clothes on for seven straight days!" Smile even bigger; not sad at all!

"I thought he missed me!" Storm Cloud with a few raindrops.

"I'm sure he did, in his head. Just not so much in his dick. Not any at all in his dick, to be totally honest. Maybe he's tired of all that red pubic hair."

That was going too far! I am his little red-head (and red-pussied) baby girl, who always turns him on! Jess and I differ in that she shaves, I don't.

Our shoes clicked down the sidewalk, mine tic-tic-tic, hers tic----tic----tic because her legs are so damn long. Face a storm cloud, then thunder.

"Jess, do you know why blondes wear shoulder pads?"

"No, Silky, why do blondes wear shoulder pads?"

"Duh!" I rocked my head from side to side to demonstrate.

"Did you hear about the short fat red head who was stuffed into a trash can and couldn't get out?" Jessica smiled so sweetly.

"I am not fat! One pound, just one! And that's water weight. The noodles I ate hold water. They do!"

"Sure, Silky, sure. If you say so."

"So here's a red head joke:

This red head went to the Dr. and said she hurt everywhere. 'When I touch my arm it hurts, and when I touch my head it hurts and when I touch my leg it hurts, what's wrong?' and the Dr. said 'you're not a red-head; you're blonde,' and she said 'how did you know?' and he said 'you have a broken finger.'!"

By then I was already running to get away from her. Tappity-tappity.

"You're just jealous because you're short."

"Everybody's mean to me, because I'm the shortest person in the world!"

"Silly Silky, there are lots of people shorter than you...." She counted off her fingers. "Midgets, dwarves, people in freak shows..."

If I wasn't totally non-violent I would have punched her in her little flat B cup tits! But she is bigger than me.... I jumped up to the next step in front of us. "Ha! Now I'm taller!"

She flew up two. "Now I'm even more taller than you, shrimp!"

I scrambled to the top step. "Who you calling shrimp, you auricomous asshole?"

She did a flying arabesque and vaulted onto the railing along the stairs. "The tall person up here higher than you can get, oh short one!"

I was like seriously re-evaluating my position on physical aggression when we got to the Doctor's office. So many forms to sign. Jess has, like, no idea about any family history; you'd think she just appeared out of thin air.

She's like afraid of needles, I know that. The nurse like gave her the shot; she wasn't even going to have to like wait to see Dr. Kendrick when she fainted! The place on her arm started dripping blood. She was paler than her hair.

The Doctor came in. He was really hot. I didn't know if he was like an intern or what, but I didn't see a wedding ring. He had a like chiseled jaw, and eyes as brown as like that teak table George has in his den, and looked to be like a day overdue on a shave. His hands had like fine black hair on them, as he touched Jessie's bleeding spot.....Jess! OMG!

By now she had started to look less like Casper and more like Wonder Woman. But with blonde hair. And no bracelets. No tiara. And way smaller boobs. OK, focus. He put a big bandage, like a super band-aid on it.

"You should do fine, just a little needle phobia," he said.

Pale as she was, she still grasped the essential problem. "Doctor," she drawled – that Mississippi trailer trash drawl – "will I be able to...to have ....sexual relations?"

"It... it won't affect that at all, Miss." Now he looked pale.

"Dr. Kendrick, can I like ask a question?" I spoke up, to stop the fear.

"Yes?" he looked harried and busy.

"Would you have anal sex with one of us?"

That was a mistake. I mean to include Jess in the question. Doctors swear like on a Hippopotamus never to like hurt patients; well, not to hurt them too bad, 'cause they do like stick you with needles. But he can't like go out with Jess 'cause she's like a patient, though I'm not really sure how that would like hurt her; I would think it would make her like happy, not hurt her; unless he's like one of those S-N-M people, with whips... but then George whips us, and we LIKE it...

"What I mean is, is anal sex safe?"

"You can't get pregnant. But the risk of disease is greater."

"Dis Ease? How about down right pain?!"

"He means AIDS, Silky," Jess thru in.

"Anal sex is not uncommon in the normal population according to data from the National Institute of Medicine, but it can produce injuries due to the relative lack of internal lubrication in the rectum." He regained his composure, but I already knew all that stuff.

Composed or not, however, he didn't even like try to get my phone number. He's probably gay. Medical School piles up huge debts. Doctors never have time to be with their families, anyway.