These are funny, but karma being the bitch that she is, my activities eventually caught up with me.

The summer before I started law school, I was seeing a girl in Miami named “Courtney.”

She was incredibly hot–one of those girls you have a physical reaction too as soon as you see her.

One time we were fucking doggy style, incredible sex, and right as I was about to come I pulled back too far and my dick came out. I didn’t realize it, and as I thrust forward again, instead of going back into her vagina my dick stuck in her ass crack (NOT into her asshole, but her crack, between her butt cheeks, like a hot dog…sort of).

I was leaning over her, my face right above the back of her head, and I looked down at my dick right as I hit climax…and shot nut INTO MY OWN EYE.

A direct hit, right into my wide-open eye. I didn’t even see it coming…literally.

Almost immediately, I developed a personal appreciation for how much come stings. That shit BURNED. It took me a minute to wash it out, but the sting, and the redness, stayed for a good 4 or 5 hours.

Fuck you karma.